Are you overcoming your fears? Can a person have a FEAR for so long that it becomes hard to distinguish?

Only You

You know what I mean, right? You live with the FEAR for so many years that it becomes a part of you. It didn’t start out that way, but the more you let it stay in your mind, the more it bonded with you - like a cancerous tumor that is so intertwined with the healthy cells of your body that it’s difficult to tell where the tumor ends and your healthy cells begin?

What fears have you lived with for so long that have become so much a part of you - that you can’t tell where the real you ends and the false you begins? How often do you live your life - not out of your faith and dreams… but out of your FEAR?

For me, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my drawing ability. I have loved drawing since I was little (although I never took any formal classes outside of art in school). You don’t have to tell me to sit down and draw - I just… draw. It doesn’t matter where I am, (classroom, meeting at work, on the train…) if I have a pen and something to write on you can be sure that I will start drawing at some point. My mind just works that way.

People have been impressed by my ability on a consistent basis for years. But somehow I have never had a strong sense of approval about myself. Drawing is just something that I do. Beyond me, what difference could it make?
About 95 percent of the time, I think my drawing is not "good enough." When people have suggested I do illustrations for my own book projects or help them out artistically, I would immediately think, "Me? I’m not good enough."

But who was I comparing myself to? I compared myself to great artists and friends I knew who could draw circles around me and make my drawings look like ’stick figures.’ But even my friends who have a higher level of drawing talent than I do would encourage me and compliment me for the style that my drawings capture. But I still couldn’t see it. The fear of failing at this had completely paralyzed me. Anything beyond drawing for my own pleasure was out of reach. Don’t even think about trying to use this talent to make a living. When people would see my drawings and ask, "Are you an artist?" I would immediately reply, "No. I just like to draw."
These were the internal words that filled my head.

Yet I love to draw… am I an artist?
There have been times when my drawings have surprised me - where I said, "Wow! Did I do that?" A few years back I took a free art class, sponsored by Kansas State University. The teacher, who was a professional artist, was taken with my work and asked me if I was an Illustrator. When I told him "no," he suggested I look into it because he felt I had great potential.

Woman

It’s taken a number of years to take ownership of his words, but the immediate action that I took was to say, "Yes," when people asked me if I was an artist.

Now, I’m at a new stage in my life. I am actually working to illustrate my own children’s book and a comic book. Both have been inspired by my journeys to Ghana, West Africa. Both will be used to help increase the literacy rate among the children in Ghana, as well as help increase awareness about Ghana to the rest of the world. (More about this in the upcoming months.)
I’m excited about being able to use this gift, which I love to do, to bring impact and pleasure to others. Perhaps, this gift could help me pay my bills too? :-) Especially in this day and age when multiple streams of income are necessary!

My Wife

Often times, it is so much easier to see the potential in others - and to cultivate that potential. But when we look in the mirror at ourselves, it is more difficult to see and cultivate our own potential. I thank God for the many people who have continually encouraged me through the years to keep drawing. And I have already begun to learn new skills so that my drawing ability will continue to grow as time continues.

What about you? What gifts and talents has God given you? What is your potential? Are you utilizing it?
Let me know what you think.

-Allen Paul Weaver III-